Next week is the big 30 for me. Thirty years old. Dirty thirty.
The thing with 30 is that it's a big milestone birthday. One which people mark the progress of your life by. When you're a kid, its always "where do you imagine yourself being when you're 30?" or what would you like to acheive by then?
In high school, a girl told me once that she had voted for me as "most ambitious" in the grade. Which at the time I took as a compliment from her, as she was a skanky ho who had always bullied me, and I thought she had no respect for me at all. While that is just a moderately amusing thing that stuck with me, the irony is I was never very specifically ambitious. I had no idea what career I wanted, thought I probably would never get married or have kids, and was without any direction.
Despite not knowing where to point myself, the ambition was there, but with no real purpose. So I've floundered about, had at least 4 different career changes, never been much good at any of them. Never been anywhere even close to marriage or children as that would require the ability to have a successful relationship, or at least not be so anally retentive and "careful" that I've never even had a pregnancy scare.
So when I look at what measures would normally be applied as being a success by 30:
- married? No
- relationship? No
- kids? No
- job? hanging on by a frustrating thread
- house? yes, but heavily in mortgage stress and have a tenant as I cant afford to live alone
- happy? No
So the score would be about 0.7/ 6 - an abject failure.
I still have no direction, and barely more of an idea of who I am or what I want to be. The future looks furry- as the crazy cat lady label adheres itself to the fabric of my life (and no lint remover is getting off that much hair).
Ah, but don't forget your frame of reference. If you moved to Biggenden you would be one of the most successful people in town. You have a house! And you have a great education. You're not a bogan (except when you fart, they're nasty). You talk to at least some of your family members. You're loved by loads of people. Do I need to continue?
ReplyDeleteThirty is not so bad. As you get older, you develop more excuses for being insane, and become more colourful in your insanity. Trust me, I'm there already.
The last point (happy) has no relation to all points above it being answered in the positive. I think those are very poor metrics to measure happiness. Success may bring short lived elation but I don't think it guarantees happiness. How long can someone stay elated over an event? Heck, something as trivial and arbitrary as low blood sugar can ruin the best and the most joyous of days.
ReplyDeleteI think kids are not the answer either. They shift the focus from being happy to being vicariously happy, maybe.
Enjoy the processes of day to day living, results notwithstanding. I think perpetual happiness is not sustainable or even desirable. We are told that normal, well-adjusted people would do such and such by some age and they will be happy. Where are these people? Are they happy?
Human nature and life are dynamic things. By the time one comes close achieving things that one thought necessary for happiness and success, one's outlook and disposition towards life would have changed. One will be left with all the things that would have made him/her happy a couple of years ago. Are we to keep chasing happiness then?