Negs
I once met a little red haired bloke who nuded up in a public pool (much to the disgust of all around him, and no- it wasn't that cold, and if you felt the need to justify it we know you've heard it before and yes- it's small) and later shared with a friend a process he called giving "negs".
In short, this meant saying something negative to a female he was attempting too woo, to subtley undermine their self confidence, and I can only assume bring them down closer to his level- lurking in the gutter with the other fetid sludge-like organisms.
An example of a neg- "You could be really attractive if you lost weight".
On the surface- a compliment "you're really attractive", but read a little further into it, and you see the reality- "you're fat and unattractive". Being delivered in a calm manner, it has a very passive effect- where people wonder if they heard it right, and hesitate to active the automatic reaction of "fuck off you total arsehat", as that's not the socially acceptable way to react to a compliment, because that's what he intended, right?
This type of behaviour should be dispelled ideally with a swift kick to the nuts, but what happens if the negs are internal? If your own brain reacts to every bit of information you get, shreds anything good and turns it into a neg.
An example this week- I received the following email:
"Seeing as you two [ + Ms Tammy of A Lesson in Letters] are now the queens of blogging (with some awesome stuff – very impressed!), I thought you might appreciate this, if you’re not familiar with it already: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/
My brain says:
Ah yes, Ms Tammy and her writing is awesome, I guess [the writer] felt obliged to include me in there too.
...after checking out Hyperbole and a Half...
[The writer] must have sent me this new blog because she knows I'm a crazy depressive nutbag. I can never live up to the writings of this other crazy depressive nutbag because I can't accompany it with cutesy pie lil cartoons. Jealous. Inadequate. More depressed. *slump*
Identifying it is one thing. Changing it is a whole other self-defeating spiral of difficulty.
In short, this meant saying something negative to a female he was attempting too woo, to subtley undermine their self confidence, and I can only assume bring them down closer to his level- lurking in the gutter with the other fetid sludge-like organisms.
An example of a neg- "You could be really attractive if you lost weight".
On the surface- a compliment "you're really attractive", but read a little further into it, and you see the reality- "you're fat and unattractive". Being delivered in a calm manner, it has a very passive effect- where people wonder if they heard it right, and hesitate to active the automatic reaction of "fuck off you total arsehat", as that's not the socially acceptable way to react to a compliment, because that's what he intended, right?
This type of behaviour should be dispelled ideally with a swift kick to the nuts, but what happens if the negs are internal? If your own brain reacts to every bit of information you get, shreds anything good and turns it into a neg.
An example this week- I received the following email:
"Seeing as you two [ + Ms Tammy of A Lesson in Letters] are now the queens of blogging (with some awesome stuff – very impressed!), I thought you might appreciate this, if you’re not familiar with it already: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/
She’s awesomeJ
My brain says:
Ah yes, Ms Tammy and her writing is awesome, I guess [the writer] felt obliged to include me in there too.
...after checking out Hyperbole and a Half...
[The writer] must have sent me this new blog because she knows I'm a crazy depressive nutbag. I can never live up to the writings of this other crazy depressive nutbag because I can't accompany it with cutesy pie lil cartoons. Jealous. Inadequate. More depressed. *slump*
Identifying it is one thing. Changing it is a whole other self-defeating spiral of difficulty.
PS- Okay I posted, panicked, and am amending this due to guilt, which only demonstrates this self-neg effect even more.
The reaction was- Oh shit, if [the emailer] thinks I'm pissed coz she sent it I'll feel guilty, because that wasn't my intention, and I know that wasn't what she would have intended when sending it.
I recognise that if nothing else, I am not nice to be around and completely understand why I am frequently avoided. I don't expect anyone to understand any of this- I don't. I drive me nuts, so I imagine it would be entirely off the planet and frustrating to deal with or try to comprehend for those who haven't lived it for 29.95 years!
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