Backwards to a Foreword

I started these writings with the intent of making mostly comedic style social observations. But opinions are like arseholes- everyone's got one- and as if often the way- the original intent is not what has eventuated, as the darker side of my mind has been very much in control lately.

All my writings are essentially a point of view or recollections of lived experiences. As with witness statements, which are not admissible as evidence in court due to the high rate of inaccuracy- sometimes what I feel, think or remember won't be the same as other people who may have been present for the same events.

They are my thoughts, feelings and memories, and may not necessarily represent those of people represented in them.

Saturday, 19 November 2011

Masculinity and projected insecurity

I've had an interesting weekend, with a wonderful and very diverse representations of masculinity, which has thrown my mind back to some of the more bizaare ones I've encountered in my life.

I once dated a guy, and as you do after a while, ended up spending a substantial amount of time at his house. One weekend, after I'd been there a few days, I decided to do a load of laundry, as I was running out of clean changes, but as I didn't have a full load of my own, I grabbed his dirty clothes from the pile, and threw them in the machine too.

A simple act, or so I thought. When he later saw that I had done the laundry, which was not the first time, it was met with not thanks, but a comment such as "Oh- you washed my clothes. I told you you didn't have to do that."
NB- I never thought I had to do that... douchebag!
and then the surprising "You used fabric softener on them." (bizaare, as well, who doesn't use fabric softener?!)
Me- "yes"
Him " But I don't like fabric softener"
Me- "Really?!- but it makes the clothes nice and soft, and they don't need to be ironed as much... "
Him (cutting me off, somewhat angrily)- "Yeah, but I dont want to be soft."

This descended into a very odd rant as he stormed out about having soft fabrics feeling nice and how this somehow made him "soft", or less of a man.

I was truly astounded at the oddity of the whole scene, as well as his reaction and version of logic- connecting them together.

As it was revealed a few weeks later, there was a hidden agenda. He had been masturbating, had used a dirty t-shirt to collect the mess- and was worried that I might find it.
1- did he think I actually believed that he didn't wank? I mean seriously? A 20 something male go a week and NOT do that would be a far stranger thing.
2- still, the whole fabric softener thing had to come from somewhere- you don't make up something so strange on the spot without there being some truth to it!

At the time, unfortunately- my own insecurities got the better of me and I felt guilty. Looking back now though I realise he had some big issues with his masculinity, which I'm not sure if he even realised, and projected them onto me- as something I had done "wrong" to cover for his own problems (because to admit fault would also be unmanly perhaps in his mind? Who knows?).
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