The word "Slut"

"Slut" is a word that is probably not best to type into google for a meaning, but if you do find a dictionary meaning it'll look something like this:

1.

a. A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.

b. A woman prostitute.

2. A slovenly woman; a slattern.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/slut

Wikipedia gives some better context: Slut or slattern is a pejorative term applied to an individual who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous. The term is generally applied to women and is an insult or offensive term of disparagement, meaning "dirty or slovenly."

I'll never forget the first time I was called a slut to my face- which was when I was 16, by the guy I was dating at the time, and had lost my virginity to a few weeks prior.

Needless to say, given that I had only had one sexual partner at the time, and was in an established, ongoing, monogamous relationship- this came as quite a surprise to me, and was very confusing.

As it turned out- he was under the impression that I had been sleeping around with numerous people. More interesting was that he didn't believe me when I said I hadn't. The power of gossip had been stronger than our relationship, and made what should have been a special experience memorable for all the wrong reasons.

Thankfully I had a bit of self respect, and dumped him not long after that.

Ironically the next time I was called a slut was a few months later, when I refused he advances of a guy at a party. Although it wasn't so much the "you're a slut" as before, but a "fuck you,  slut"- intended to hurt me. As it was so ridiculous though,  in that he was calling me a slut for NOT being interested in any sexual interactions with him, it just made me laugh.

So often, it's used as a weapon- to try and manipulate, shame or control women.

The only time I actually found it hurtful was when it came from the mouth of a friend. We had been to a large university party one Saturday night- and I had met a guy I thought was funny and attractive. After a while, and a few more drinks, we ended up kissing. Wolf whistles, people laughing etc encouraged us to go for a walk outside.

A few minutes later I found myself in a very unwelcome situation, with this guy having ripped down my pants and trying to force himself on me, despite me saying I didn't want to. Big guy- about 6'4", so I had between buckleys and none of overpowering him as he held me there. As luck would have it some people from the party came walking past, and a moment of distraction was enough to get away.

This is generally known as date rape, and even though he wasn't wholly successful, it was a somewhat upsetting experience as some would imagine. At uni a few days later, a friend , Joe* was asking "so how'd it go with John* the other night- you guys were looking pretty friendly".

me: "I never want to see him again. "

Joe: "yeah right- you were all over him at the party"

me:" shut up you dont know what you're talking about"

Joe: "c'mon you wanted him"

me: "Sure- I thought he was hot, but he tried to rape me you dick head, now fuck off- I don't want to talk about it"

Joe: " Bullshit- you're a slut, you wanted him"

Yep- that was the time it really hurt. Probably more than the actual event itself.

People's ideas of what a woman's sexual behaviour is is not always accurate, and their opinions of how it should be reinforce harmful attitudes of "she wanted it; she was asking for it; she deserved it" and excuse men's dangerous behaviour.

*not their real names