Backwards to a Foreword

I started these writings with the intent of making mostly comedic style social observations. But opinions are like arseholes- everyone's got one- and as if often the way- the original intent is not what has eventuated, as the darker side of my mind has been very much in control lately.

All my writings are essentially a point of view or recollections of lived experiences. As with witness statements, which are not admissible as evidence in court due to the high rate of inaccuracy- sometimes what I feel, think or remember won't be the same as other people who may have been present for the same events.

They are my thoughts, feelings and memories, and may not necessarily represent those of people represented in them.

Friday, 23 December 2011

Fashion victims #2

This is beginning to look like a regular segment, as I am endlessly amused by the horrendous crap that people are inticed to part with their money for.

Introducing "Orange Mystique Pants ". I'm thinking to mystique is why someone would actually want to own them. Pink and orange are a nasty colour clash, and in this instance have been put together into something that personally I'd be ashamed to dress a toddler in.




Described as 100% silk, resort style glamour-  well at least this is somewhat honest. If by resort you mean sitting on the beach in thailand and being convinced that those fisherman pants etc they sell in the stalls nearby are an excellent investment, but inevitably on return to Australia they sit in the wardrobe never to reappear.

Much unlike the $5 Thai fisherman pant though, this article will set you back a whopping $178 AUD. Adding more evidence to the arguement that having wealth doth not indicate fiscal sense. Gold star to the clever designer for once again recognising that a fool and his money are easily parted.

The 100% silk says to me- this fabric, if worn on the beach or "resort", unlike your cheap cotton Thai fisherman pants, will cling to your sweaty arse and leave large butt-sweat patterns as well. Possibly camouflaged only by the nasty colours and patterns of the fabric itself the designer at least gets half a point for practicality there.

But on the topic of practicality, may I ask wtf this is?:

It appears to be some kind of footwear, and yet the hideousness of both the colour and the err... heel/ Platform/ Wedge concoction going on there makes it look far more like an appropriate weapon to club someone over the head with than put on your foot.

High heels were originally for men- short men such as Louis XIV who wanted to improve their manly stature by being less of a shortarse. Men soon realised that they were uncomfortable and impractical things to wear though, and as such, encouraged women to wear them, so they would be easier to "catch" as they had lost any ability to run away in such footwear.

The above article strikes me as being designed in this traditional sense, in that you are being made the victim or a cruel ruse- one that is designed to take advantage of your wallet in this case.

At least the following garment is fairly self- explanatory, in that it has its purpose and marketing strategy written all over it. Literally:

I believe "Holiday romance" is a polite paraphrase of "random shag" or "quick fuck" here, as certainly this dress is designed for- yes that's right folks, it's a dress, not a singlet, according to the designers.

Not only does it come with a premade advert for you as to what you're seeking, it further minimalises your tarting efforts being being both ludicrously short enough that you wouldn't even have to hitch it up- just part the thighs and pork away. Boob access is also evidently not hindered by such inconvenient things as sleeves, fastenings or... well... even fabric.

Fortunately (?) this item is available at the bargain price of $21.95 ( and, evidently, such is the price of your dignity) rendering it affordable to even the welfare-dependent tramps out there.

No hidden agendas here- actually no hidden anything. I recommend pairing this item with a Britney-esque lack of undergarments to maximise the effect.
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  1. Vincenzo Cornholio23 December 2011 at 17:47

    Sas, I don't care what you say, those shoes are FABULOUS!!! Not that I would wear them, I'm too uncoordinated and would surely end up with my nose on the floor.

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