Backwards to a Foreword

I started these writings with the intent of making mostly comedic style social observations. But opinions are like arseholes- everyone's got one- and as if often the way- the original intent is not what has eventuated, as the darker side of my mind has been very much in control lately.

All my writings are essentially a point of view or recollections of lived experiences. As with witness statements, which are not admissible as evidence in court due to the high rate of inaccuracy- sometimes what I feel, think or remember won't be the same as other people who may have been present for the same events.

They are my thoughts, feelings and memories, and may not necessarily represent those of people represented in them.

Sunday, 15 January 2012

Rules for internet dating

I have made forays into the world of internet "dating" on a few occassions, and have compiled the following list from some of my experiences:

Rules for Internet Dating

#1- Do not send photos of your genitals. Seriously- I don't want to see them, and neither does anyone else.


#2- Don't use a screen name like "Mr Hot 4 U"- although it tells people a lot, but unfortunately it's not your intended message, rather "I'm a total douchebag"

#3- Never accept a request for a webcam chat- it's probably just another version of someone breaching rule #1.

#4- The idea of a chat room is to chat. If you don't say anything, you're devoiding the whole purpose of being there.

#5- Profile pictures of you shirtless or in the shower etc say either "I'm in love with myself" or "I'm a total sleazebag" or a combination of the above. You're probably likely to be the type of person to break rule #1 as well.

#6- So you like the outdoors, cars and hanging out with your friends- aka you're male. This is about as informative and original as a McDonalds meal is nutritious, and exactly the type of person you will also attract- bland.

#7- Look I thought I told you before, balls are not attractive. You're not learning!

#8- On the internet, communication is written. A basic level of literacy is advised.


#9- Please limit your use of lol, rofl, and emoticons. It's very irritating.

#10- Last but not least, if you're using a profile picture it should be
a) of yourself
b) recent, not ten years or 20 kgs ago
You really think someone isn't going to realise if they meet you?
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