Cheating

The other day I saw an interview with an author about a book he's launching called " The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating (Sexuality, Identity, and Society)

By Eric Anderson

One internet review says:

Whether straight or gay, most men start their relationships desiring monogamy. This is rooted in the pervasive notion that monogamy exists as a sign of true love. Yet despite this deeply held cultural ideal, cheating remains rampant. In this accessible book, Eric Anderson investigates why 78% of men he interviewed have cheated despite their desire not to. Combining 120 interviews with research from the fields of sociology, biology, and psychology, Anderson identifies cheating as a product of wanting emotional passion for one's partner, along with a steadily growing desire for emotionally-detached recreational se with others. (fishpond.com)

Dishonesty is one thing that can corrode a relationship and ruin trust between partners. Adding in another partner these days more than ever before also holds the risk of introducing new diseases to the relationship.

 

As a sexual health practitioner once told me- the amount of male patients who would come back from a holiday in Thailand (or other overseas locale renowned for low cost, and low quality in terms of safety precautions, prostitution), and say "oh no, I can't use a condom with my wife or she'd know I was with someone else.".

 

This disgusts me on several levels- but the dishonesty is the really insidious part. That they would rather risk infecting their wife with a disease than to be honest with them. It shows a total lack of respect for a partner, and only concern for their own desires.

 

Anderson cites a statistic of 78% of men and 75% of women have cheated at some point in their lives. I have never cheated on a partner- Does this really make me part of the tiny minority? Also- I only suspected two of my partners of cheating on me (and only ever had evidence of one)... is this incredibly naive? Should you EXPECT a partner to cheat on you? Not a terribly encouraging or trust inspiring thought!

 

If the sexualisation of our culture,is now exposin people to a wider array of images, ideas and media, why should this necessarily lead to cheating? Why not try them with your current partner? Perhaps there is a corresponding erosion of respect thats not being recognised in the same way.