Backwards to a Foreword

I started these writings with the intent of making mostly comedic style social observations. But opinions are like arseholes- everyone's got one- and as if often the way- the original intent is not what has eventuated, as the darker side of my mind has been very much in control lately.

All my writings are essentially a point of view or recollections of lived experiences. As with witness statements, which are not admissible as evidence in court due to the high rate of inaccuracy- sometimes what I feel, think or remember won't be the same as other people who may have been present for the same events.

They are my thoughts, feelings and memories, and may not necessarily represent those of people represented in them.

Friday, 27 April 2012

Woman- Hating: Alive and Well

Lately I have noticed how the hatred of women is still alive and well. Some recent articles have put it well:

http://www.cracked.com/article_19785_5-ways-modern-men-are-trained-to-hate-women_p2.html
http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/women-arent--fruit-and-men-arent-accessories-20120423-1xg94.html#ixzz1sqhtHpS9

In my own experience this is all sad but true.

My workplace currently has quotas to get women into management and on advisory boards. Trouble is, all this generates is more resentment so that a lot of the men (and women) are now saying "she only got the job because she's a woman", and do everything they can to discredit women's skills or merit in the roles. It's not just men who do it- women attribute success to other women's physical attractiveness over their skills, experience, qualifications or even a good personality- instead assuming "she must be sleeping with someone there", or "it's just because she's got nice boobs".

In my personal life, I can't think of how many times I've been told I'm a rancid bitch for breaking up with my ex, because I should have been so grateful to have him (even when he was an hour late to pick me up post surgery as he "lost track of time", and parked ages away so he didn't have to pay for parking, even though, with stitches etc I wasn't meant to be moving around- what a guy), especially since I'm 30 now (the end of the world! *gasp*).

A few months back I was chatting to a guy in the pub, who I suspect was hitting on me, as I had never met him before and he invited himself to the table (or is that me being an egotistical cow trying to control his penis and falsely-assuming I'm attractive?), and when asked what I did that day answered honestly "I mowed the lawn and did another section of the retaining wall I'm putting in the back yard". I could see him physically recoiling- all the relaxation in his body disappeared as he sat up straight, to a position where he could look down at me, and snorted "well what do you need a man for then?". To me- there had been no mention of men or me wanting or needing one, but I could see that I had somehow made him feel he had no purpose, in that I didn't desperately need a big strong man to lift, carry and build things for me.

As outlined in the cracked.com article, ideas of masculinity and what it is to be a man are tied in to being as unfeminine as possible: The idea of having a "man card", which can be revoked if you don't act "manly" enough. I'm sure we've all seen guys jostle around and tease a man who dares to enjoy a cocktail instead of a beer (or other accepted "man- drink") or expresses an emotion (other than towards a football team, during a game). We have just modernised the cave man going hunting while the woman pops out babies concepts for the modern day- man drinks and grunts at football, mows lawn and earns money, while the woman still has a sexual role- popping out babies, providing sex and being attractive.

The other day I was in a conversation where someone didn't feel comfortable about receiving a compliment. I agreed that I also felt uncomfortable if someone commented on my looks, partly because it's not my strong suit, and partly because I wonder what their motivation is- especially if it's a male. The retort I received from the guys was pure vitriol "you women always do that to us men- you think we only want sex", and off into other such misogynistic diatribes. Why do I think a man is thinking about sex if they compliment my physical appearance? Because in my experience, 99 times out of 100 they do, and very soon after they expect a thrilled, giggling, flirtatious reaction, which gives them the opportunity to try and kiss you or ask for your phone number etc.

I remember when I was in university, that a group of people (about 6 males, plus me) were sitting around a table having a beer at the tavern on campus, when one of the guys, who I didn't know well, was recalling a story about his recent sexual conquests with a girl- in some detail. A few minutes into his story he realised, with some horror "oh shit- there's a chick here" ie me- sitting at the table, and abruptly ended his tale. One of the other guys leapt to my defense with an odd compliment "Nah- it's ok- Sas isn't a chick!". While the compliment suggested I was accepted, it was still based on me having been dissociated from my gender, because you couldn't be both a decent person, and female.

See related posts on:
- Negs
- Masculinity and Projected Insecurity
- Is Christianity Inherently Misogynistic

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