I was quite interested to read an article the other day about businesses which provide alibis/ alternate identities for prostitutes in Japan.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-05-21/businesses-sell-alibis-to-japanese-sex-workers/4023420
While Japan, the land which invented used-underpant vending-machines, is perhaps the mecca of all things odd, I got to thinking about the cultures which create the market for alibi-creation agencies.
Prostitution is an industry which is met with a wide range of reactions, from disgust and outrage, to acceptance of it as a service to a market all the way to the other end of the spectrum and opinions such as I was once offered: "If you take a girl on a date and go to dinner or a movie you spend so much time and money... at least with a hooker you know you'll get sex, and don't have to waste time on conversation etc".
With such a range of attitudes and opinions you would think that sex workers would face some criticism and discrimination along the way, but, like anyone, could eventually find someone who accepted and loved them and their profession, if that's what they want. I know some health workers in Australia who frequently perform health checks on sex workers (as is required by law in most states), and report that many are married, often with children, and aside from their profession, live relatively banale lives in the suburbs with mortgages, as with the rest of us.
The creation of a service which makes fake workplace documents, answering services, business cards is undeniably creative genius, but its somewhat worrying that its required or desired at all. If these women (as it states in the article, though certainly there would also be males sex workers in the industry, and presumably accessing the alibi service) are in a situation where they feel they have to be dishonest to their partners and families, it generates risk to all involved. Would the initial shock about a partners career be any worse than having discovered they've been lieing about it for years, or even decades?
By trying to hide what their real job is, it means any suspected STIs would be less likely to be identified and treated before any harm was done, and condom use or other strategies to prevent infection with a long term/ regular partner are less likely to be initiated.
Does it come down to the stigma associated with non-monogamous sex, or is it about trust in relationships? Perhaps a combination of both, and a lot more factors? My own discomfort with prostitution lies mostly in women being treated as products or services instead of human beings, and that conservative laws stop the industry from being properly regulated, making it safer for workers and clients alike. By keeping sex work underground and illicit, it increaes the risk of unsafe sex occurring, and drug users and desperate people exploiting or being exploited for money.
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
Tuesday, 15 May 2012
Things that shit me #12- Doctors for the Family
In the news this week, a group who call themselves "Doctors for the Family" have been noted to be campaigning against gay marriage.
The listed aim of the site is: "highlight the health aspects of marriage and family and ensure a healthy future for our children".
This site, and every release which has come out quoting them has been incredibly anti gay. I consider them a hate-group. Aside from the basics, like having absolutely no credible evidence other than "I'm a doctor and I say so" and other such self-aggrandising crap (which only really evidences their over-inflated senses of self-importance, nothing more), let's have a think about their position.
The website lists its leader as the recently vocal Dr Lachlan Dunjey- a Perth GP and a right-to-life campaigner who has run as a Senate candidate for the Christian Democratic Party in multiple elections.
As a GP, Dr Dunjey is well qualified to diagnose the difference between laryngitis and tonsilitis, to prescribe medication for high blood pressure, and to write referals to specialists for more complex conditions. He is neither a psychologist, capable of assessing in depth psychological outcomes. Neither is he a sociologist who studies the patterns of people interacting in society in a way which would enable him to determine the long term trends and outcomes of peoples varying social circumstances, such as performance in school, psychological or emotional wellbeing, happiness, future income, etc. even if he were, to extrapolate someone's income, overall health etc as a measure of having had any circumstance other than hetero biological parents is absurd.
What about adopted children? Those raised by their grandparents, extended family or a single parent? Or even my own situation- being raised by my biological, heterosexual parents who remained married to each other for the duration of my childhood, yet managed to fuck me up substantially? Clearly, according to Dr Dunjey, an abusive-biological-and-marital-relationship-containing-two-traditional-genders must be better than sexuality or gender diverse parents who love and care for their children.
Dr Kerryn Phelps, former Australian Medical Association president, was quoted on www.abc.net.au/news as so beautifully describing his position as "extraordinary" and having a "breathtaking lack of reason".
Dr Kuruvilla George, of Victoria's Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission, has also signed a petition supporting the Doctors for the Family anti-gay-marriage campaign. Seemed somewhat more than slightly incongruous to me- Human Rights activist AND massively right wing bigoted hate campaigner...hmmm. The Victorian Attorney-General has defended his right to lobby against gay marriage, and this may be the case- he does have a right to voice an opinion.
It's the flawed logic (aside from the human element of treating people as equals blah blah) that's bugging me- how is gay marriage in any way directly related to someone's parenting worth? If gay marriage is his objection, then why extend this to parenting? Is he also insinuating that unwed parents in a long term stable union with a biological chil are also unfit parents? Somehow, the signing on the dotted line of a legal marriage contract and perhaps supplementing this activity by placing a circular band of alloyed metals around a digit must impass some power, deeming said individuals capable of great and powerful thing, my preciousssss?
Anyhow, my ranting begins to descend into ever-decreasing circles, but I think my point has been made, so I'll leave it here: A child needs love and support, it does not matter what combination of genitals the parents have.
Dr Kuruvilla George, of Victoria's Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission, has also signed a petition supporting the Doctors for the Family anti-gay-marriage campaign. Seemed somewhat more than slightly incongruous to me- Human Rights activist AND massively right wing bigoted hate campaigner...hmmm. The Victorian Attorney-General has defended his right to lobby against gay marriage, and this may be the case- he does have a right to voice an opinion.
It's the flawed logic (aside from the human element of treating people as equals blah blah) that's bugging me- how is gay marriage in any way directly related to someone's parenting worth? If gay marriage is his objection, then why extend this to parenting? Is he also insinuating that unwed parents in a long term stable union with a biological chil are also unfit parents? Somehow, the signing on the dotted line of a legal marriage contract and perhaps supplementing this activity by placing a circular band of alloyed metals around a digit must impass some power, deeming said individuals capable of great and powerful thing, my preciousssss?
Anyhow, my ranting begins to descend into ever-decreasing circles, but I think my point has been made, so I'll leave it here: A child needs love and support, it does not matter what combination of genitals the parents have.
Sunday, 13 May 2012
Technology- a Love Hate Relationship
Over the last week I have been unwillingly exploring the depths of my addiction to the internet.
Through the blithering incompetance of Telstra, a malfunctioning wireless connection, and customer service that could inspire Ghandi to test out an underwear bomb, I have had no internet access.
At first I was annoyed. I ended up sorting out some tax papers and other chores that I have managed to avoid for some time though, and generally got over it.
On the second day I woke up with a horrendous cold- coughing and sniffing all over the place. I went into work for a few hours, but realised I wasn't doing anyone any good by being there in that state, and went home sick.
To spend the remainder of the day on the couch, not feeling well enough to do anything constructive, my normal chosen respite would be the glorious endless internet. Yet this was taken from me, and I found myself increasingly irritated.
Day 3 I was even sicker. Managed to get out of bed around midday, and after sitting through Dr Phil on TV I found I was suffering quite serious internet withdrawals. How could I have any human contact- these days with a plethora of friends, randoms and all sorts just a click away, I felt very disconnected and isolated not having this option.
Although I have oft lamented the existence of mobile phones, and how people have lost the ability to plan in their reliance of being able to just call or txt at the last minute or when they get around to it- Thank goodness for mobile phones and being able to annoy half those in my contacts list with text messages in this circumstance.
We love to have our technology at our fingertips to connect and entertain, and get irritated when we are able to be contacted at all hours for work, but could you live without it now?
Through the blithering incompetance of Telstra, a malfunctioning wireless connection, and customer service that could inspire Ghandi to test out an underwear bomb, I have had no internet access.
At first I was annoyed. I ended up sorting out some tax papers and other chores that I have managed to avoid for some time though, and generally got over it.
On the second day I woke up with a horrendous cold- coughing and sniffing all over the place. I went into work for a few hours, but realised I wasn't doing anyone any good by being there in that state, and went home sick.
To spend the remainder of the day on the couch, not feeling well enough to do anything constructive, my normal chosen respite would be the glorious endless internet. Yet this was taken from me, and I found myself increasingly irritated.
Day 3 I was even sicker. Managed to get out of bed around midday, and after sitting through Dr Phil on TV I found I was suffering quite serious internet withdrawals. How could I have any human contact- these days with a plethora of friends, randoms and all sorts just a click away, I felt very disconnected and isolated not having this option.
Although I have oft lamented the existence of mobile phones, and how people have lost the ability to plan in their reliance of being able to just call or txt at the last minute or when they get around to it- Thank goodness for mobile phones and being able to annoy half those in my contacts list with text messages in this circumstance.
We love to have our technology at our fingertips to connect and entertain, and get irritated when we are able to be contacted at all hours for work, but could you live without it now?
Monday, 7 May 2012
Knowing your shit vs knowing you're shit
One thing I find myself persistently frustrated by is the stupidity of others. While to a certain extent I try to life by the adage:
Never argue with a stupid person; they drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
how do we know what is stupid or crazy? Thousands of years ago there were some influential figures who claimed to be receiving or channelling messages from deities.
Never argue with a stupid person; they drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
how do we know what is stupid or crazy? Thousands of years ago there were some influential figures who claimed to be receiving or channelling messages from deities.
These days, if you hear voices, you receive a prescription for anti-psychosis medications and a clinical management plan with a team of specialists.
I was reading through a psychology proposal which featured a measurement instrument, the Connor-Davidson Resilience Scale 25 www.cd-risc.com , at work today and noted the following item:
3. When there are no clear solutions to my problems, sometimes fate or God can help
People are asked to respond on a 5 point Scale from 0- not at all true to 4- true nearly all the time
On face value you might think- sure, these seem like reasonable statements, and that any extreme answer could indicate a problem, e.g. "God/fate will always take care of things".
Now consider the inverse- the response of "I believe it is never true that God/ Fate will help with my problem". Hmm, what a negative response, you might think on face value. As an atheist, however, I find it amusing that people cannot cope with the fact I do not believe there is a God or in concepts like fate, and feel the need to suggest there is a problem with my sanity for it.
I accept that many people are religious and have these beliefs, but do not personally ascribe to them. To have included such an item in a tool designed to measure people's mental state of being is interesting- in that it potentially rejects the tenet that any atheist could be completely sane.
It takes an incredible arrogance to assume that your beliefs or a cultural norm are RIGHT and any other beliefs are WRONG or even suggestive of poor mental health. Yet it is the default position adopted by so many, as beautifully described by the Dunning- Kruger effect:
http://people.psych.cornell.edu/~dunning/publications/pdf/unskilledandunaware.pdf
Friday, 27 April 2012
Woman- Hating: Alive and Well
Lately I have noticed how the hatred of women is still alive and well. Some recent articles have put it well:
http://www.cracked.com/article_19785_5-ways-modern-men-are-trained-to-hate-women_p2.html
http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/women-arent--fruit-and-men-arent-accessories-20120423-1xg94.html#ixzz1sqhtHpS9
In my own experience this is all sad but true.
My workplace currently has quotas to get women into management and on advisory boards. Trouble is, all this generates is more resentment so that a lot of the men (and women) are now saying "she only got the job because she's a woman", and do everything they can to discredit women's skills or merit in the roles. It's not just men who do it- women attribute success to other women's physical attractiveness over their skills, experience, qualifications or even a good personality- instead assuming "she must be sleeping with someone there", or "it's just because she's got nice boobs".
In my personal life, I can't think of how many times I've been told I'm a rancid bitch for breaking up with my ex, because I should have been so grateful to have him (even when he was an hour late to pick me up post surgery as he "lost track of time", and parked ages away so he didn't have to pay for parking, even though, with stitches etc I wasn't meant to be moving around- what a guy), especially since I'm 30 now (the end of the world! *gasp*).
A few months back I was chatting to a guy in the pub, who I suspect was hitting on me, as I had never met him before and he invited himself to the table (or is that me being an egotistical cow trying to control his penis and falsely-assuming I'm attractive?), and when asked what I did that day answered honestly "I mowed the lawn and did another section of the retaining wall I'm putting in the back yard". I could see him physically recoiling- all the relaxation in his body disappeared as he sat up straight, to a position where he could look down at me, and snorted "well what do you need a man for then?". To me- there had been no mention of men or me wanting or needing one, but I could see that I had somehow made him feel he had no purpose, in that I didn't desperately need a big strong man to lift, carry and build things for me.
As outlined in the cracked.com article, ideas of masculinity and what it is to be a man are tied in to being as unfeminine as possible: The idea of having a "man card", which can be revoked if you don't act "manly" enough. I'm sure we've all seen guys jostle around and tease a man who dares to enjoy a cocktail instead of a beer (or other accepted "man- drink") or expresses an emotion (other than towards a football team, during a game). We have just modernised the cave man going hunting while the woman pops out babies concepts for the modern day- man drinks and grunts at football, mows lawn and earns money, while the woman still has a sexual role- popping out babies, providing sex and being attractive.
The other day I was in a conversation where someone didn't feel comfortable about receiving a compliment. I agreed that I also felt uncomfortable if someone commented on my looks, partly because it's not my strong suit, and partly because I wonder what their motivation is- especially if it's a male. The retort I received from the guys was pure vitriol "you women always do that to us men- you think we only want sex", and off into other such misogynistic diatribes. Why do I think a man is thinking about sex if they compliment my physical appearance? Because in my experience, 99 times out of 100 they do, and very soon after they expect a thrilled, giggling, flirtatious reaction, which gives them the opportunity to try and kiss you or ask for your phone number etc.
I remember when I was in university, that a group of people (about 6 males, plus me) were sitting around a table having a beer at the tavern on campus, when one of the guys, who I didn't know well, was recalling a story about his recent sexual conquests with a girl- in some detail. A few minutes into his story he realised, with some horror "oh shit- there's a chick here" ie me- sitting at the table, and abruptly ended his tale. One of the other guys leapt to my defense with an odd compliment "Nah- it's ok- Sas isn't a chick!". While the compliment suggested I was accepted, it was still based on me having been dissociated from my gender, because you couldn't be both a decent person, and female.
See related posts on:
- Negs
- Masculinity and Projected Insecurity
- Is Christianity Inherently Misogynistic
http://www.cracked.com/article_19785_5-ways-modern-men-are-trained-to-hate-women_p2.html
http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/women-arent--fruit-and-men-arent-accessories-20120423-1xg94.html#ixzz1sqhtHpS9
In my own experience this is all sad but true.
My workplace currently has quotas to get women into management and on advisory boards. Trouble is, all this generates is more resentment so that a lot of the men (and women) are now saying "she only got the job because she's a woman", and do everything they can to discredit women's skills or merit in the roles. It's not just men who do it- women attribute success to other women's physical attractiveness over their skills, experience, qualifications or even a good personality- instead assuming "she must be sleeping with someone there", or "it's just because she's got nice boobs".
In my personal life, I can't think of how many times I've been told I'm a rancid bitch for breaking up with my ex, because I should have been so grateful to have him (even when he was an hour late to pick me up post surgery as he "lost track of time", and parked ages away so he didn't have to pay for parking, even though, with stitches etc I wasn't meant to be moving around- what a guy), especially since I'm 30 now (the end of the world! *gasp*).
A few months back I was chatting to a guy in the pub, who I suspect was hitting on me, as I had never met him before and he invited himself to the table (or is that me being an egotistical cow trying to control his penis and falsely-assuming I'm attractive?), and when asked what I did that day answered honestly "I mowed the lawn and did another section of the retaining wall I'm putting in the back yard". I could see him physically recoiling- all the relaxation in his body disappeared as he sat up straight, to a position where he could look down at me, and snorted "well what do you need a man for then?". To me- there had been no mention of men or me wanting or needing one, but I could see that I had somehow made him feel he had no purpose, in that I didn't desperately need a big strong man to lift, carry and build things for me.
As outlined in the cracked.com article, ideas of masculinity and what it is to be a man are tied in to being as unfeminine as possible: The idea of having a "man card", which can be revoked if you don't act "manly" enough. I'm sure we've all seen guys jostle around and tease a man who dares to enjoy a cocktail instead of a beer (or other accepted "man- drink") or expresses an emotion (other than towards a football team, during a game). We have just modernised the cave man going hunting while the woman pops out babies concepts for the modern day- man drinks and grunts at football, mows lawn and earns money, while the woman still has a sexual role- popping out babies, providing sex and being attractive.
The other day I was in a conversation where someone didn't feel comfortable about receiving a compliment. I agreed that I also felt uncomfortable if someone commented on my looks, partly because it's not my strong suit, and partly because I wonder what their motivation is- especially if it's a male. The retort I received from the guys was pure vitriol "you women always do that to us men- you think we only want sex", and off into other such misogynistic diatribes. Why do I think a man is thinking about sex if they compliment my physical appearance? Because in my experience, 99 times out of 100 they do, and very soon after they expect a thrilled, giggling, flirtatious reaction, which gives them the opportunity to try and kiss you or ask for your phone number etc.
I remember when I was in university, that a group of people (about 6 males, plus me) were sitting around a table having a beer at the tavern on campus, when one of the guys, who I didn't know well, was recalling a story about his recent sexual conquests with a girl- in some detail. A few minutes into his story he realised, with some horror "oh shit- there's a chick here" ie me- sitting at the table, and abruptly ended his tale. One of the other guys leapt to my defense with an odd compliment "Nah- it's ok- Sas isn't a chick!". While the compliment suggested I was accepted, it was still based on me having been dissociated from my gender, because you couldn't be both a decent person, and female.
See related posts on:
- Negs
- Masculinity and Projected Insecurity
- Is Christianity Inherently Misogynistic
Sunday, 22 April 2012
ANZAC Day Tribute
I am not one who likes war, conflict or memorialising such events, but I do recognise what the people who fought for us have given.
So many young men in my family have been lost during wartimes. A few of them are remembered below.
Clement Frederick Broomham
http://www.awm.gov.au/research/people/roll_of_honour/person.asp?p=542249
http://trove.nla.gov.au/work/16065730
One of the saddest stories, Clement Broomham was captured, and held as a Prisoner of War in the Sandakan camp, Borneo.
After more than two years as a prisoner of the Japanese, in May 1945 he died in the camp, aged 26.
I can only imagine what hardship he must have endured, and what it would take to break down a young man to the point of death. All the more tragic that after years imprisoned, slowly being left to starve and rot to death, he died a few short months before peacetime.
Not all who fought perished. My grandfather fought in Egypt in WWII, and lost most of his hearing when a bomb when off near him. He also sustained a shrapnel injury in his head, which caused persistent infections for the remainder of his life. Although he didn't die, he was not often able to work, and due to the little support or pension that was available in those days it meant the family lived in near poverty for much of their lives. With his hearing, he also lost much of his ability to communicate with people and as such, much of his quality of life.
I would also like to reflect on a few of my ancestors who fought and lost their lives (albeit in tragic, but not traditional circumstances).
Oswald Charles Cherry
http://www.awm.gov.au/research/people/roll_of_honour/person.asp?p=546434
Oswald C. Cherry, or "Mick" as he was known to friends, had incredibly poor eyesight. This was seemingly a blessing in disguise when in Australia became involved in WWII, and his eyesight prevented him from being deployed to conflict areas. As such he served in a medical unit.
One night the unit set up camp near a beach in Indonesia when a storm came up. The wild winds brought a tree down on their tent and he was killed.
Loyal George Cherry
http://www.awm.gov.au/research/people/honours_and_awards/person.asp?p=427043
After going to WWI in the 2nd battalion Loyal G. Cherry was quickly promoted and returned to Australia (alive!) a military medallist.
After riding his motorbike from New South Wales to South Australia, he intended to try and set a land speed record from Adelaide to Melbourne.
During the attempt a spring came loose, and the motorbike crashed, killing him instantly.
http://trove.nla.gov.au/ndp/del/article/5631910
It's a sad reality that even if you survive the toughest of situations, you never know what will get you at any time.
So many young men in my family have been lost during wartimes. A few of them are remembered below.
Clement Frederick Broomham
http://www.awm.gov.au/research/people/roll_of_honour/person.asp?p=542249
http://trove.nla.gov.au/work/16065730
One of the saddest stories, Clement Broomham was captured, and held as a Prisoner of War in the Sandakan camp, Borneo.
After more than two years as a prisoner of the Japanese, in May 1945 he died in the camp, aged 26.
I can only imagine what hardship he must have endured, and what it would take to break down a young man to the point of death. All the more tragic that after years imprisoned, slowly being left to starve and rot to death, he died a few short months before peacetime.
Not all who fought perished. My grandfather fought in Egypt in WWII, and lost most of his hearing when a bomb when off near him. He also sustained a shrapnel injury in his head, which caused persistent infections for the remainder of his life. Although he didn't die, he was not often able to work, and due to the little support or pension that was available in those days it meant the family lived in near poverty for much of their lives. With his hearing, he also lost much of his ability to communicate with people and as such, much of his quality of life.
I would also like to reflect on a few of my ancestors who fought and lost their lives (albeit in tragic, but not traditional circumstances).
Oswald Charles Cherry
http://www.awm.gov.au/research/people/roll_of_honour/person.asp?p=546434
Oswald C. Cherry, or "Mick" as he was known to friends, had incredibly poor eyesight. This was seemingly a blessing in disguise when in Australia became involved in WWII, and his eyesight prevented him from being deployed to conflict areas. As such he served in a medical unit.
One night the unit set up camp near a beach in Indonesia when a storm came up. The wild winds brought a tree down on their tent and he was killed.
Loyal George Cherry
http://www.awm.gov.au/research/people/honours_and_awards/person.asp?p=427043
After going to WWI in the 2nd battalion Loyal G. Cherry was quickly promoted and returned to Australia (alive!) a military medallist.
After riding his motorbike from New South Wales to South Australia, he intended to try and set a land speed record from Adelaide to Melbourne.
During the attempt a spring came loose, and the motorbike crashed, killing him instantly.
http://trove.nla.gov.au/ndp/del/article/5631910
It's a sad reality that even if you survive the toughest of situations, you never know what will get you at any time.
Friday, 13 April 2012
Confidence is hot
I was once told by a guy I was seeing that I was "smoking hot". Being one who is not used to receiving compliments, I don't really know what to do with them, and it made me feel uncomfortable.
I will quite gladly enter into discussions and argue my position on a point, and I'll be the first to admit when I don't have enough information to make an informed choice, but when it comes to my physical appearance, I have always lacked self esteem. I have received far more comments in my life of the variety of the "Douchebags online" post- ie you're fat, ugly, a total dog etc than positive comments.
I think a lot of that is linked back to the insecurity theory (see post on "Negs")- that if you keep a partner feeling insecure about themselves, it makes up for some of your own insecurity- in that it keeps them in the mindset that they couldn't do any better than you, and hence they're less likely to leave you.
So the image I have of myself is anything but hot, let alone "Smokin" hot, and I found myself instantly dismissing and justifying the comment in my head:
- he's just talking on behalf of the bulge in his pants, hoping that he'll get more of a use for it
- he's got low standards
- clearly he's never seen me naked, or he'd change his mind quickly
etc
Maintaining the self-image I have grown to know so well. While I don't feel "good" about it, it's safer to stay in that image, instead of stepping outside the well known realm into uncharted territory.
The same guy who told dropped the "smoking hot" comment, a few weeks later did indeed change his mind on the topic, and told me "your lack of confidence makes you very unattractive". I can see his point- but as I've written about before (see posts "Attraction" and Things that shit me "Arrogance"), sometimes too much confidence, or that which is expressed overtly, can be very off putting.
So while I know I'm a long way off being a supermodel, I don't think that telling myself someone could never genuinely believe I'm attractive is impossible is constructive, and I've been trying to change this. After having it in your mind for 30 years, saying it out loud is a lot easier to stop than having the thoughts at all.
I will quite gladly enter into discussions and argue my position on a point, and I'll be the first to admit when I don't have enough information to make an informed choice, but when it comes to my physical appearance, I have always lacked self esteem. I have received far more comments in my life of the variety of the "Douchebags online" post- ie you're fat, ugly, a total dog etc than positive comments.
I think a lot of that is linked back to the insecurity theory (see post on "Negs")- that if you keep a partner feeling insecure about themselves, it makes up for some of your own insecurity- in that it keeps them in the mindset that they couldn't do any better than you, and hence they're less likely to leave you.
So the image I have of myself is anything but hot, let alone "Smokin" hot, and I found myself instantly dismissing and justifying the comment in my head:
- he's just talking on behalf of the bulge in his pants, hoping that he'll get more of a use for it
- he's got low standards
- clearly he's never seen me naked, or he'd change his mind quickly
etc
Maintaining the self-image I have grown to know so well. While I don't feel "good" about it, it's safer to stay in that image, instead of stepping outside the well known realm into uncharted territory.
The same guy who told dropped the "smoking hot" comment, a few weeks later did indeed change his mind on the topic, and told me "your lack of confidence makes you very unattractive". I can see his point- but as I've written about before (see posts "Attraction" and Things that shit me "Arrogance"), sometimes too much confidence, or that which is expressed overtly, can be very off putting.
So while I know I'm a long way off being a supermodel, I don't think that telling myself someone could never genuinely believe I'm attractive is impossible is constructive, and I've been trying to change this. After having it in your mind for 30 years, saying it out loud is a lot easier to stop than having the thoughts at all.
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