Things that shit me- #14 Over air-conditioning

Ah airconditioning... a wonderful luxury of modern life. So why is it that when it's 20 degrees outside, some clever individual decided to crank the system up full blast, cooling the office to about 13 degrees.

Surely the absence of staff leading up to Christmas has amplified the effect with the lack of body heat contributing to the ambient temperature, combined with the late onset of summer temperatures, to create the frigid environment that you have to shiver through.

Now 20 degrees is quite comfortable, so a light cardigan should be sufficient clothing to maintina optimal body temperature. Not a pashmina wrapped around your legs to stop them from turning blue, a winter coat and tucking your hands into your armpits to retain some feeling in your fingers!

(Must have been a day for it Gem!)

Dexter

How do I love Dexter, let me count the ways

Dexter, a TV series adaptation and series of books by Jeff Lindsay based on a central character named Dexter Morgan, and the screen version is vying for the spot of my favourite TV series ever made.

I generally do not like violence. I find it unnecessary in many shows, and despise sports like boxing, where people inflict pain on others with little or no purpose. Yet Dexter, in its sometimes vividly graphic way is neither offensive or disgusting to me.

Perhaps it's the "code" that Dexter operates under- that the people killed must be "bad"- thus making him an antihero. Or because it allows me to live somewhat vicariously through the character and fantasise of the justice I would exact on those who have wronged me.

I relate to the character in many other ways- from his deep inability to understand "normal" people and woefully awkward attempts to appear to be one of them, to his recurrent failure in relationships, intimate or otherwise.

But it's the innate humanity and reflections of my own experience with depression that takes the appreciation to another level. The following quotes have exactly reflected my own thoughts on the world at times:

"I'm not sure what I am. I just know there's something dark in me. I hide it. I certainly don't talk about it, but it's there always, this Dark Passenger.  "

"I'm empty. But I found a way to make it less bottomless. Pretend. You pretend the feelings are there, for the world. For the people around you. Who knows, maybe one day they will be."

“Whatever made me the way I am left me hollow, empty inside, unable to feel. It doesn't seem like a big deal. I'm quite sure most people fake an awful lot of everyday human contact. I just fake it all. I fake it very well, and the feelings are never there.”   

"I wonder if darkness is defined by light- if so darkness can't exist on its own. There must, by definition be light somewhere, waiting to be found."

Attractiveness

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder; it's whats on the inside that counts.. blah blah.. how many times have we heard this? And how many times have you seen a Danny De Vito type dating a Cameron Diaz?
I propose a new theory- if everyone has a score out of 10, then their partners will be within + or - 1 rating out of 10 in attractiveness, or +/- 2 in special circumstances.

So what is it that make people attractive. Well you could go into the facial symmetry theories etc, but if you were to ask 100 people to rate a photo out of ten, you get an average score, for example 7. That's a rating based purely on their physicality- the important bit is that when they open their mouth, so many things can change.

If they say something stupid, and reveal substantial character flaws, -1 point or more. Put a cigarette in their mouth and from my perspective that takes off at least -2 or -3 points. If they're arrogant or have a "holier than thou attitude" take off a point or two.

This is probably best demonstrated with friends- ever known someone who you may have even made fun of when you first met them for being funny looking/ fat or some other less than perfect physical characteristic, but then after knowing them for a few years- you can't even notice it any more? The fact that they are so nice as a person adds to their overall "attractiveness" despite their exterior physical appearance- and the person who, once a stranger you may have thought- ew dont touch me! Now you feel inclined to give them a big hug.

As I've gotten older I've found my taste changing too. I used to very much find myself attracted to the tall, dark n handsome, muscle bound guys. Now when I see one of them I might appreciate their physicality for a moment, but I have absolutely no desire to have any interaction with them- physical or otherwise, knowing that if they spend that much time in the gym they're probably far more in love with their reflection than they will ever be with another person.

White Ribbon

http://www.whiteribbon.org.au/
White Ribbon is about reducing violence against women.

I challenge you to take the oath:
Swear an oath never to commit, excuse or remain silent about violence against women.

Some more ways we can work to reduce this can be found at:

http://www.whiteribbon.org.au/prevention

Violence against women tends to extend beyond the couple, and to the children as well- so violence against women is violence against a whole family. Strange as it may sound, this can even include pets and animals which get kicked in anger or to manipulate e.g. "Do what I say or I'll break the dog's leg". It is estimated that 88% of animals living in households with domestic violence are either abused or killed. Of all the women in America who enter shelters to escape abuse, 57% have had companion animals killed by the batterer.
http://animal-lib.org.au/subjects/violent-behaviour/51-violence-to-animals-violence-to-humans.html#Humans

For me, I have grown up in a violent household. I have lived the harm- it eats into your sense of self and contributes to feelings of worthlessness and helplessness, depression and anxiety.

To remain silent is akin to endorsing the behaviour, so if you hear anyone talking about or endorsing violence against women- don't stay quiet- challenge it, and let them know it's not okay!

The word "Slut"

"Slut" is a word that is probably not best to type into google for a meaning, but if you do find a dictionary meaning it'll look something like this:

1.

a. A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.

b. A woman prostitute.

2. A slovenly woman; a slattern.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/slut

Wikipedia gives some better context: Slut or slattern is a pejorative term applied to an individual who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous. The term is generally applied to women and is an insult or offensive term of disparagement, meaning "dirty or slovenly."

I'll never forget the first time I was called a slut to my face- which was when I was 16, by the guy I was dating at the time, and had lost my virginity to a few weeks prior.

Needless to say, given that I had only had one sexual partner at the time, and was in an established, ongoing, monogamous relationship- this came as quite a surprise to me, and was very confusing.

As it turned out- he was under the impression that I had been sleeping around with numerous people. More interesting was that he didn't believe me when I said I hadn't. The power of gossip had been stronger than our relationship, and made what should have been a special experience memorable for all the wrong reasons.

Thankfully I had a bit of self respect, and dumped him not long after that.

Ironically the next time I was called a slut was a few months later, when I refused he advances of a guy at a party. Although it wasn't so much the "you're a slut" as before, but a "fuck you,  slut"- intended to hurt me. As it was so ridiculous though,  in that he was calling me a slut for NOT being interested in any sexual interactions with him, it just made me laugh.

So often, it's used as a weapon- to try and manipulate, shame or control women.

The only time I actually found it hurtful was when it came from the mouth of a friend. We had been to a large university party one Saturday night- and I had met a guy I thought was funny and attractive. After a while, and a few more drinks, we ended up kissing. Wolf whistles, people laughing etc encouraged us to go for a walk outside.

A few minutes later I found myself in a very unwelcome situation, with this guy having ripped down my pants and trying to force himself on me, despite me saying I didn't want to. Big guy- about 6'4", so I had between buckleys and none of overpowering him as he held me there. As luck would have it some people from the party came walking past, and a moment of distraction was enough to get away.

This is generally known as date rape, and even though he wasn't wholly successful, it was a somewhat upsetting experience as some would imagine. At uni a few days later, a friend , Joe* was asking "so how'd it go with John* the other night- you guys were looking pretty friendly".

me: "I never want to see him again. "

Joe: "yeah right- you were all over him at the party"

me:" shut up you dont know what you're talking about"

Joe: "c'mon you wanted him"

me: "Sure- I thought he was hot, but he tried to rape me you dick head, now fuck off- I don't want to talk about it"

Joe: " Bullshit- you're a slut, you wanted him"

Yep- that was the time it really hurt. Probably more than the actual event itself.

People's ideas of what a woman's sexual behaviour is is not always accurate, and their opinions of how it should be reinforce harmful attitudes of "she wanted it; she was asking for it; she deserved it" and excuse men's dangerous behaviour.

*not their real names

Things that shit me #13- Bad-weather-behaviour

We've had a week of storms, rain and hail this week, which has not been helped at all by douchebag behaviour.

1- umbrellas have metal through them to keep them rigid. You do not need to hold it so that it drips down the back of someone else's neck, or pokes them in the eye when you swing it around thoughtlessly.

2- when you're shaking off your umbrella before entering a building etc, doing it right next to someone else and shaking all the water onto their legs is somewhat inconsiderate.

3- rain + uneven surfaces and blocked drains makes puddles. You do not have to drive straight through them at speed and drench the people on the sidewalk.

Fashion victims #1

The constantly changing world of fashion- changing to suposedly create a desire for new and different things, so sales stay up and profits increase.

What amazes me is that some of the crap actually sells- its horrendous, flattering to no one, and designed to be overpriced, pointless junk that will be out of date after you've worn it once.

Take this little piece for example:

The aptly named "ditzy floral bolero" by bebe Sydney. With a print that looks somewhat like you just had all you can eat Pizza hut, including a hefty serving of soft serve from the dessert bar, and promptly threw it up all over yourself, this item offers no shape, and seemingly no function- being neither a shirt or a jacket. Top points for making this tiny thin model look fat too.

Another item in the aforementioned designers' collection is this stunning garment:

What we can observe here is that fashion has no boundaries- who would have thought of chopping up Nanna's old table cloth, and pairing it with the fringing off her lamp shade? If you are stupid enough to pay money for this item, I highly recommend operating heavy machinery - preferably with moving parts- while wearing it.

The following frock is presented by Jota & Ge:

 Denim... a modern classic. Just a tip though- you're doing it wrong. How much for this semi casual catastrophe you say? A mere $375- I kid you not.
If you have $375 and choose to spend it on this, do not pass go- do not collect $200, head straight to the nearest hospital and donate your organs to someone worthy.