Fashion Victims #4

I have been generally appalled by 99% of the fashion available in stores at the moment.

The resurrection of the 80's styles is akin to resurrecting Steve Irwin- the unnatural interactions with animal-resemblant items- it really wasn't that good the first time around.

At least if you feel compelled to wear an animal print, you can find a matching item for it- as seen in the cropped fleece jumpers and colour-coordinated tights to the left. For those who feel such an urge, I highly recommend testing the products' authenticity and camouflage efficacy- by spending some quality time with a pack of leopards. I'm sure they'll welcome you with open jaws "Hey Bill- look, there's more stupid on the menu today!"

 I think this next dress was designed to look like the post-leopard-meeting aftermath. As seen recently in the Canberra Centre- oh how I scrambled for my camera phone to capture the wonders that abounded. Unfortunately the escalator was only so long and pointing a camera at an unsuspecting stranger is an activity best performed covertly, so the image isn't great. As it was tight enough to practically be her flesh, it was a bit decieving at 4pm on a Wednesday (since hookers aren't normally in the mall then) and added to the cmutilated-corpse-like illusion the fabric offered. The 3 black stripes, or claw slashes as I like to think of them, are complimented by the reddish fleshiness and blue veins throughout with a tinge of upchuck. She does, however definitely have the figure to get away with such a tight garment, so many sins can be overlooked.... unlike the following item.

Oh the jegging... woeful was the day I learned of its existence. Not a jean, not a legging, which both passed by in their own way independetly for years, but like a lovechild of Michael Jackson and Jocelyn Wildenstein a union of two entities that never should have been allowed- that emerged barely recognisable from their former selves. In case this wasn't enough, this particular horror is amplified by the inappropriate production of such a garment in plus sizes. For a model with a not-horrendous body, (probably rather similar to my own) this is however a perfect example of how NOT to dress for your size.