Fashion Victims #5 - The Super Saturday Ascot Races Special

As I have oft discovered, as being competent or responsible is not a prerequisite for breeding, having taste is not a prerequisite for purchasing attire, and neither is selecting an appropriate occasion or venue to don such items. I can think of some occasions where dressing in skimpy, short, garish and overly tight dresses or generally portraying yourself as a complete trash bag is appropriate: Metropolis nightclub in Northbridge, Perth; The Bourbon Bar in Kings Cross, Sydney; Mooseheads in Canberra are a few that spring to mind. What's more you will blend in with the majority of the clientele in such venues, so as not to look out of place.

I have always found the races to be a special time for fashion: there's the Fashions on the Field competitions, the big hats, suits and dresses...and then there's the truly special. By "special", I mean similar to that boy who licks the windows on the school bus. There is a certain subset of the population who have interesting interpretations of what is "appropriate". I suspect that if you were to draw a venn diagram of those who attend the aforementioned venues with those who dress like complete trashbags, the latter set would be almost entirely subsumed within the former, but I digress.

Perhaps it was the mining boom which has been hitting Perth for the last 10-15 years, but the first group are those who chose to channel this cultural state by wearing high visibility items, which could probably also pass during an underground drill. 


There were those who portrayed this more subtley, by accessorising their outfit with high-vis statement pieces:

 Those who would give it an '80s revival twist 

(NB- nice touch of the arse to the left... oops I mean touch of class?). 

The night clubbers who stumbled into the daylight to blind us all with their lack of awareness of what is figure flattering. Attractive girl, yes, but channelling one cultural phenomenon- the mining boom- does not need to be paired with another- the MAMIL. An extra 2cm of fabric in all directions would have been kinder to yourself, and all the onlookers. 


(Mind you- it's worth noting that I was actually attempting to capture her friend who was in a pleather jump suit, but someone walked in front of the camera, obscuring her in all her glory).

My point is, it's about flattering the figure, such as... 




... oh I give up.















There were those who almost appeared to get it right (clearly I'm not referring to the mullet-skirt on the right, but her friend in the sunset number on the left)... 

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until on closer inspection... the classlessness was evident in the general areola, oops I mean area. (fear the day I get a DSLR folks and get better at running in front of them so you too could appreciate the full picture!) 




On a warm sunny day, it's important to remain hydrated, and if possible seek shade. Shouldn't be able to miss our high vis tent we left around here somewhere...


Oh hang on... that's not it...







Then there were those who just had no idea.  

At least she coordinated her orange fake tan with the outfit, though her friend was clearly so embarrassed to be seen with her that she strategically wore a frock so as to camouflage herself amongst the gambling advertising.

Let's all take a moment to appreciate the full glory of a high vis singlet and wedges, paired with white lace shorts. 

A magnificent specimen.

This young lass struck me as somewhat of a paradigm, however, as when someone says to me "What should you wear to the races?" I generally think that if you were to respond with "..a dress", that you would be met with the retort "Aww duuuh". 

Silly me- it would seem that "dress standard" can be extrapolated to mean shorts; but why stop there, when you could go all the way to a onesie with loud print AND short shorts!

Evidently our lass on the left did receive the memo to accessorise by associating with a friend in high-vis: 5 bonus points; albeit trumped by Mlle Adroit whose shortie bits flapped in the breeze as she walked, exposing her entire butt cheek. A gold trash-medal for you.

There are so many ways and opportunities to show class and glamour at the races.

There's posture that shows you are truly a lady, whether you are walking, sitting or standing. 

If in doubt, why not fall back on a classic? 

No no no... a mullet is retro, not a classic, and plain wrong on the head OR in dress form.

Accessorise with one statement piece.

Umm... let me rephrase... one appropriate statement piece, not one look-I-own-something-expensive-so-I'll-take-it-everywhere-even-if-it's-grossly-out-of-place piece. 

The ultimate single accessory for the races, is generally your headwear.

Or you can coordinate with your friends.

Taste: you're doing it wrong.

***addendum- I committed a travisty and forgot the Piece de resistance (translation- I cannot resist taking the piss)! Voila!: