The Girl With Colitis Goes By

Many comedians would be proud to write an original song lyric like "the girl with colitis goes by" (though, in  way, that event itself would probably also be quite musical). The Beatles hopefully got a good giggle out of one of the oft- misheard song lyrics from Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

"Excuse me while I kiss this guy" is another one that gets bandied about, and tends to arouse a chortle on mention. 

It can also be a way to have fun with people. Two that have been tried around me:
"Tickle ya cunt with a feather?" [and, when people look shocked and generally ask what did they say] "Typical country weather!"

The second was used by a couple of Irish guys in a loud bar: "Would you like to join us for a gang bang?". I guess they weren't so much hoping on it being mistaken for something else, as girls just not understanding, and nodding in agreement to be polite.

One that goes all the way back to primary school is whispering or mouthing "colourful", which looks remarkably like "I love you".

I'm not sure if its my tendency for my mind to roll downhill and wind up in the gutter, warped transmission of signals as they enter my brain, or a hearing defect, but I frequently mishear things. More often than not I think people say something incredibly inappropriate, and have to repress my urge to giggle while trying to tell myself they probably didn't just say that.

Sometimes other factors interfere- once I thought a guy said the 3 words "I love you". I really wasn't sure if I'd heard right, and then thought, if I ask if he just said that, and he didn't, then I've just introduced a whole bag of awkward into the situation. 

I thought of trying to bring it up in a way to mention it, without mentioning it... if that's possible. 

I never got the opportunity though, and then he was gone. So maybe it'll always remain one of those mysteries.