Backwards to a Foreword

I started these writings with the intent of making mostly comedic style social observations. But opinions are like arseholes- everyone's got one- and as if often the way- the original intent is not what has eventuated, as the darker side of my mind has been very much in control lately.

All my writings are essentially a point of view or recollections of lived experiences. As with witness statements, which are not admissible as evidence in court due to the high rate of inaccuracy- sometimes what I feel, think or remember won't be the same as other people who may have been present for the same events.

They are my thoughts, feelings and memories, and may not necessarily represent those of people represented in them.

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Ye Olden Days #1- Pronounciation is Key

I love telling a good story, whether you like hearing them or not.

I've heard that some of my stories are a bit like "this one time, at band camp", but shmeh- I care not- my reminiscences entertain me!

I'll start with one of my favourites:

Pronounciation is Key

I used to teach English in Asia. The classes consisted of various groups, one of which was an evening class of businessmen.

Given the group, I would teach themes which they would find more relevant to their use, and on one occassion this was a restaurant scenario, as when traveling on business it was a likely situation they would encounter.

I assumed the role of "waitress", and we practiced ordering items from a menu. After taking a first order of drinks, I moved on to taking their food orders.

One student in the class, "J", was in his mid twenties, as was I, and had been known to regularly get flirty, make jokes and generally play around. When it came his turn to order a meal, instead I was met with the following awkward situation-

Me: J, what would you like to order?
J: Please feel my cock

Thinking I had possibly misheard him (as you would- I mean, he couldn't have actually said that, right?)

Me: I'm sorry, I didn't understand you, what would you like to order?
J: Please....Feeeeeeel... My.. Cock!

Now undoubtedly flushing bright red with a mixture of embarrassment and panic, I began losing my cool and trying not to giggle.

Me: Errr.. What?! Sorry?
J: *gesturing* Please *lifts hand as if holding a glass* FEEEEEEEEEEEEEL *lifts other hand as if holding a bottle, to pour into the aforementioned glass* MY COCK!

At which point I could not control myself- both with relief and the sheer hilarity of the situation.

Me: OH!!!! FILL! Please FILL your COKE!
J: Yes- that's what I said- Please feel my cock!
Me: Okay... class- time for a pronounciation lesson!...

Eventually I did explain to him what he had said and, predictably, he responded with a wink and "Yes- *wink* please feel my cock!".

The other classic was when one business- aged- student, who was a Doctor, told me that he was "...a very impotent man"... and again the lesson ensued on long vowels and the imPORtance of prounounciation.

Almost nine years after the event it still makes me laugh every time I think of it.
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