Things that shit me- #6: 4WDs

I've just got home from a trip to the local large warehouse style hardware store [ insert a brand here if you feel more comfortable], and it inspired me to write things that shit me #6- 4WDs.

Perhaps I should clarify- the cars themselves are machines, and for that I direct them no malice. It's more the total arsehats who tend to own them, and the manner in which they use them.

I am definitely going to be visiting this topic again, because as I start to write, I can already feel it evolving in a multidirectional rant, but for today I'll start another list- things which you do NOT need a 4wd for:
1- carrying garden tools or even slightly larger items home from you local hardware store. I quite easily fit my 80kgs of concrete into my '97 Corolla along with various other implements, plants and other things I inevitably walk out of those store with despite what my intended items to purchase initially were.
2- "ease of parking" well it has 4 wheels which can steer at once and have varying traction abilities, but your average well maintained, tarred suburban parking lot needs neither of these functions. Could I suggest that if you have difficulty getting into and out of the parking spaces you should try either of the following things as an alternative:
      a- Get a smaller car. somewhat unremarkably the smaller body size makes it easier to fit into smaller spaces and has a smaller turning circles etc BECAUSE IT'S SMALLER.
      b- If you are unable to park your vehicle, perhaps try GETTING OFF THE ROAD you total moron and stop ruining it for those of us who are competent!

Things that shit me- #5: Squealing chicks

So you're sitting in a restaurant/ cafe/ bar etc having a nice chat/ beverage/ inane activity with a friend, when in staggers a gaggle of tittering little twits tottering on their stripper heels, barely able to shuffle along due to the tightness of their tiny little cunt scarf which suffocates their upper thighs together like vaccuum-packed frankfurts, then it happens:
Unable to form a sentence, civilised greeting or even eek out an air kiss, [Daaahhhling] they squeal/ scream or  whatever you want to title the irritating nise pollutant variety of emission they generate with their vocal chords.
Perhaps it's like an air-raid siren, as after you finally regain some hearing from your bleeding eardrums, and resist the urge to punch them in the face, you realise that it's probably time to leave, because it's all down hill from there.

Introducing- The Things that Shit Me series

I am starting a series of things that annoy, irritate or generally piss me off.

#1 Bigots (see todays post on Tom Kenyon)

Coming soon:
#2- Tailgaters
#3- People who whistle indoors
#4- Unwelcome physical contact (this will have a whole range of subsets)
4a- People standing too close in queues
4b- touchers and huggers at first meeting
4c- gropers
4d- PDAs

and more!

On the stupidity of bigots- part 1

I'm calling this part 1, because I'm sure I'll be exploring the stupidity of bigots further in the future.

For today, lets consider Tom Kenyon- a Labour MP in South Australia.
The evidence he's a bigoted moron: “I don't want to be rude to Penny (Wong) but it's not her baby, do you know what I mean? It's not, biologically, it's not, it's not the biological product of two people,” Mr Kenyon said during a discussion on ABC radio.

I would like to congratulate Mr kenyon on the bredpth of his stupidity in that it was insulting to so many people in diverse ways in one moronic sentence: he succeeded in not only insulting same sex couples, but anyone born of or using ivf, donor gametes, adoption, step and blended families.

I would like to point out that two biological 'products' (gametes) must be involved to create a child regardless of if they are going to socially raise that child, a process known as "parenting". Unless it is a clone or the product of "immaculate conception" like the farcical "Lord Jesus".  I would suggest that Mr Kenyon was giggling down the back of class and making fart noises instead of listening during sex ed and/ or learned everything he knew from finger gesutred behind the bike sheds.

If he's being consistent he is also either challenging the central tenet of Christianity- ie that Jebus was the 'son of god'. For "God" to have inseminated Mary would mean there were not two biological products. Hmm flies inthe face of your theory eh Kenyon? OR he is suggesting that Sophie allouche should be elevated to the status of the "virgin" Mary?

Interesting... I can see it now- Senator Wong parents the next Messiah!

Sometimes they say it much better than I can

So it's lame, but I needed a Chick Flick, and yes- I cried. Mock away.

Eat Pray Love- had some very good quotes amongst the (trans fatty) cheese. These were my favourites:

"I’m so tired of saying no and then waking up in the morning and recalling every single thing I ate the day before, counting every calorie I consume so I know exactly how much self loathing to take into the shower. I’m going for it. I have no interest in being obese, I’m just through with the guilt."

“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”

“In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place.”

I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.”

The single female threat

Being a single female is apparently a social faux pas.

You get disinvited to couples' things, as though the 11th person poses something more than a logistical seating challenge or the socially awkward pressures of having to engage this loner in conversation. (Oh no- what could I possibky have to talk about if not currently in a relationship *gasp*?!)

Then there's the women whose eyes narrow before they give you a fleeting glance up and down, then feel the need to put you in your place and say something belittling, as though they're threatened by your mere existence.

So tell me-  you tell me I'm fat, ugly, weird, unfashionable or whatever, then fear my presence around your male partners. This is somewhat inconsistent really, because if I truly were in the categories of freak you have me assigned (hasn't had kids by 30, and isn't crying about it daily- she must be about to spontaneously combust, and is therefore a risk to everyone by being in the room!), then I would not incite any fear about your partner being tempted.

So please, pick one, because it can't be both ways.
- if I am "ugly, fat, weird, yada yada" then I am not going to "interest" your partner. If you think that I would, then perhaps you don't respect your partners' standards very much! Also, if you really think he's up for the dingo run, then what does that say about your own confidence, sense of self, and the strength of your relationship.

If you find yourself having any of these, or similar cock blocking thoughts, like "she's not good enough for my platonic friend", then you really aren't protecting your friend- because you're treating them like a moron with no standards.

If it's your partner you're worried will stray then again-  I'm not your problem- you have bigger issues here!